Regardless of how I feel about things now, in January, I have to finish the semester through June. As much as I may dislike my job — and myself at my job — right now, I’m not going to quit mid-year.*
Since I have to stay, I might as well give it one more shot; try to do things more my way and perhaps be that little seed of change (instead of spending the rest of the semester reading from the textbook and passing out worksheets, as the rest of the Spanish department at my school does). See if I get over this slump, if that’s what it is, and I can stay beyond June.**
It’s scary, though. Daunting. Can I cut it? (Right now, all signs point to NO.) Can I outwit, outplay, outlast the students for the next five months?
Should I plan everything out? Plans are good, but they are also clear markers of failure. If I plan, I’m stating what needs to be done, how, and by when. This aids in success: a clear goal toward which to strive. However, when the plan backfires or fizzles out, there is now documented proof of that failure. Should I just wing it?
Teaching is full of fresh starts. Had a crappy first period? Second period is a whole new batch of students with whom to start over — IF you can let go of first period’s baggage. Had a bad day? Next day is a chance to start over (kids have short attention spans and poor memory retention, for the most part) — IF you can let yesterday’s baggage go. Each Monday, each new grading period, each new semester, you can start over fresh — IF you can let everything before that moment roll off your back.
I’m notoriously not good at that.
*I have thought about applying for other jobs starting now, so if I happen to be offered my dream job, I could see myself quitting teaching to take it. But that’s a very big IF.
**Yes, fine, I admit it: I like the time off. I like summers, and a week at Thanksgiving, and two weeks at Christmas. Also, if I’m going to write YA, what better place to do research than a high school? (And who can forget, in this economy, the job security of teaching?)
4 Comments
January 18, 2009 at 11:13 am
I have soooo been where you are now. I actually did quit my teaching job and got another non-teaching job and basked in the glory of being able to go out to lunch, get supplies I need and working with adults. That didn’t last too long. I went back to teaching, but at a different school. Sometimes you just need a change of scenery.
January 18, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Look into TPRS if your are tired of textbooks and worksheets. Google it.
January 18, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Oh and you absolutely MUST plan. Especially if you are a beginning teacher.
If the plan fails, so what? Every teacher has clunkers under their belt. When you have a plan you can look back at it to see what you have to change for the next period, day , year…
January 19, 2009 at 5:19 pm
@Mrs. T: This is my 3rd school in 8 years. I started at a rich-kid high school, then taught at a rich-kid elementary school in an immersion program, and now I’m back at a high school, this one low-income, mostly minority. If I need to change scenery this often, that’s a pretty good sign that I’m in the wrong profession.
@Jane: This is my 8th year teaching, so I can’t claim newbie-ness as an excuse for my failure and suckitude. “So what?” only carries you so far; after a while the question changes to, “So, what is wrong with me that I can’t do any of this right?”
When I asked if I should plan everything out I was not referring to lesson plans (which are a non-negotiable, generally), but to my bigger-picture plans. What I want to accomplish with my students; where I want them to be in June and where I want me to be in June. I realize now I asked the wrong question: should I make lofty plans? Should I just stick to teaching Spanish, or should I find more ways to think outside the over-used box? Should I commit to doing something like the RPM Challenge with my students (so that, when that project fails, I can feel like an utter failure knowing I fully set out to do it and was not able to )? Or should I just keep those thoughts in my head, and test the waters each day, only taking on what I see will be feasible with those kids on that day?
I am using TPRS, by the way. That is the one feeble silver lining that has motivated me to go back and attack this semester. (I’m glad someone finally gave me a name and materials to carry out what I had been trying to modify the textbook to do — I called it “immersion,” but the concept is the same. TPRS works better in the 50-minute chunks I’m alloted.)